Yes! That is the question that I have been struggling with for about the last 6-8 months. To Tie or not to tie my tubes after this baby? For those of you who don't know...I have had three previous c-sections and doctors recommend only having four because the risk of complications after the fourth goes way up. This will be my fourth c-section. Before I got pregnant with this baby and at my first doctors appt. with the baby, both the doctors I saw said..."Oh, so we will be tying your tubes?" I was actually quite shocked that they would both be so blunt as to say it to me in that way. I am sure it is because their liability goes way up but, honestly, I could care less about them and their liability. So after giving them both dirty looks and telling them that I actually didn't know, both of their responses was "well, pray about it."
The funny thing is, Chris and I have always talked about having only 4 kids...and up until now that has been the plan. But now that I am pregnant with my fourth and this might be IT, I am really struggling with the concept of being done with my "child-bearing years." I am not even 30 for cryin' out loud. I feel too young to be done.
Sometimes I think that the reason I can't decide is purely prideful...I don't want someone else telling me that I can't have anymore kids. I want it to be MY CHOICE! I am mad that someone else gets a say. When I start looking at all the other factors of whether or not having more kids is reasonable, i.e. money, patience, time, space, ,more money, more patience, etc. it still brings me back to square one.
I have done all the things that I can think of to get an answer to this dilemma but one day I feel 75% sure and the next only 25%. I have prayed, gone to the temple, asked Chris. I tell Chris if he would just make the decision for me it might be much easier but he won't...he says he will support me in whatever I decide...what a cop-out!
Some of you might be asking, "Well why go to such extreme measures as to getting your tubes tied?" Well, I figure since they will already be in there I might as well just get it done if it is the right thing to do? I really can't imagine being on ANY kind of birth control (including having an IUD) for the next 20 years until I go through menopause...the thought makes me sick actually. If I am done, I would rather just get it done and call it good. Chris really doesn't want a vasectomy (he is scared of losing some part of his manhood) but says that he would do it if I wanted him too. Once again, the decision is left up to me and I just can't seem to get an answer. So, I guess me questions to whomever is reading this is "What would you do?" If you are done having kids, how did you know? If you aren't done having kids, I wouldn't mind your advice either. Right now I am taking all the advice I can get.
3 comments:
Hey DeMilles,
We still miss you. We look at your blog every now and then and I'm not the expert blogger/computer woman as you may remember.
So that's some dilema. We are expecting in July and it will also be our 4th c-section. I think Scott would like to be done, but it seems like everyone I talk to says they know when they are done. I don't feel that. So I have no advice. I do know that when we were expecting our 2nd and I was considering trying a v-back I didn't know what was right until I made the decision. I gathered up some courage and told Heavenly Father what I had decided and I felt very clear about what I was to do. Like you, I for sure don't want anyone telling me how many kids I can have. By the way, I'm 35. You are so young. Some people want to be done by the time they are 30. You could look at it that way. I decided not to decide for a while. Maybe time will decide for us. It's a big deal to have the last baby. To be done. No more. I can't grasp that.
Well - I didn't even know you were having another baby so congratulations!!!
My advice is this - if you are the least bit unsure - don't do it. You will wonder and have regrets forever.
When are you due? Do you know what you are having? What names are you thinking about? I'm excited for you!
You did not mention how anemic you were and how you lost alot of blood the last c-section! You could be putting your life at risk having these MAJOR surgeries! You will have 4 kids to think about not just you and what you want. If something happened to you would you want them to not have a mother around? It is a REAL risk that is why doctors advise against it. If you needed car work done you would listen to an expert, these doctors are experts in their field and maybe you should listen and not take offense. It's pretty tough to see a husband crying up and down the hospital when we told him his baby is ok but his wife didn't make it!I love you and your kids and think you should listen to the docs!!!!!!!
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